Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Endings and Beginnings

I started writing this post back in February and I did not post it, cause frankly it was pretty depressing and I knew at the time that I just needed to write it all out and let the feelings pour out of me.  But I also was smart enough not to publish it because well, it was just a little melodramatic!

I am a pretty big boob when it comes to my kids, and with this being my baby and my only daughter, let's just say I am glad I waited so I could hit the back space button and erase 50% of what I had written. So here is the revised version, exposing my underbelly and the big wimp that I am:)


February 23rd -  It is 17 days until my baby is married.  I am experiencing all kinds of emotional ups and downs of which I am trying to get a handle on, and not have a complete cry fest... We had her bridal shower this past weekend,  it was such a fun afternoon and she was so happy, she kept saying, 'is this really me, and am I really getting married!?' It felt very surreal for both of us.


So much love in one room.  These women are my sweetest friends, and made this a beautiful afternoon.
Since she got engaged I have felt like I was on a roller coaster ride, with extreme ups and downs.  While I was excited about my baby's new adventure and all the fun things in store for her, I was having a big pity party for myself. We were going to be empty nesters!  This is what happens to old people, I don't want to be old.
I am sure I am not the only mom to go through this, I know I am not.  But for me, right now, I feel very isolated.

Hubby does not relate, he is of course sad, but he is also excited to have all of my attention:)

But me, well I am happy one minute, bawling my eyes out the next,and  feeling slightly nuts:P

Happiness -  My daughter is so happy, so that in turn makes me happy. She found her 'Mr Right' and he is pretty awesome!  He fits right in with our crazy family, and her 4 brothers have approved!  I  adore him and most importantly our baby girl loves him.  I know he loves our girl and will take good care of her.
She said YES!
Sadness - She will be living in another state.. ugh 12 hours away.. you can tell me there will be visits, and there will be, I know.  But I will miss her!  It's not the same and we all know it...  no spur of the moment lunch dates, no more mommy/daughter pedicure dates, ah sigh.
When the grand babies do start to come I will be the grandma that will miss out on the day to day fun, I will come out for the big things.. but will miss the weekly games, choir concerts, play performances etc....  and yes, I am going there in my thoughts.. and it makes me sad.  I am sad about things that have not even happened yet.. good grief!  

Sadness/Happiness at the same time - is this possible?  Yes it is... I don't want to sound ungrateful because I know I am blessed, but this is the end of an era.. this is it... we have raised the kids, 5 of em!
They are all fantastically terrific, they have wonderful spouses, they love the Lord, the grand babies have started to arrive, that makes me so happy!  The sad part is that it's over.  I think that folks have it wrong.. when they say the golden years are after your kids are gone and out of the house.  I think the golden years just might have been when they were home and we were playing taxi driver to all their activities, going on family vacations, band concerts, choir concerts, plays, dances, and the list goes on.
FAST FORWARD a few months -   
See what I mean about melodramatic?  Told ya!  I was really on one, but I am better now, that was rough.
May 13, 2014
I survived!  My baby girl is married!  It was a beautiful day and believe it or not I only cried once (dang the daddy/daughter dance) I think I had cried all my tears away long before the wedding day.
Do I feel silly for being so emotional? Nah, that's just the way I am, and I think its just part of being a mama. Besides, I  have already made my first road trip to see her! All is well!

President Monson:
 "Let us relish life as we live it, find joy in the journey, and share our love with friends and family."


How could I be sad when all you had to do was look at them and see their love for each other.
Excitement- for what lies ahead for her, and for our family! I have a new son, and they are going to make some really pretty babies!


And this is my joy!










4 comments:

  1. Heart felt. Beautiful. Sweet. Happiness. I want to be like you someday. You're such a great Momma. I love you and your sweet babies. XO

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  2. No need to apologize - let those emotions flow! I think it shows what a good Mom you are - putting your whole heart and soul into mothering. So of course you're going to feel a certain amount of loss and that a piece of you is being taken away. My mom was sobbing for my entire engagement - and that was a whole year! However, knowing you, that missing piece will be filled to the brim with what an amazing Grandma you are. Your family can't stay away because you are still the heart and soul of your family. Every time we visit your house I can feel the love in your home. And as for being the out-of-state Grandma, well, there are pros and cons to everything. My mom may not have been here for the day to day stuff, but she developed a very special relationship with each of my kids because when she came to visit we had her all to ourselves. I like your title - it is the end to one phase of your life, but the beginning of another and I know you will find so many new joys there. Love ya, Missy!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Stacy,

      We will miss seeing you at the reunion, but so happy Chris is home with you again! xo

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